ARE YOU LIVING YOUR PURPOSE? Let’s discover your NORTH STAR!

Elizabeth Winkler: 0:17

Welcome to the Shadow and the Light podcast with internationally renowned meditation teacher, davidji

davidji: 0:24

And heart healer and psychotherapist Elizabeth Winkler, as we guide you through our unique fusion of ancient wisdom and modern psychology.

Elizabeth Winkler: 0:34

Get ready to awaken your true essence, heal your wounds and transform your shadow into.

Both: 0:44

Hi, davidji Oh, hello there, Elizabeth. The shadow and the light.

davidji: 1:04

Hi, davidji Oh, hello there, Elizabeth, and welcome to the Shadow and the Light podcast. My name is davidji I’m here with the transformational alchemical goddess of helping us move from our shadows into the light. Elizabeth Winkler and we’ve been exploring this concept of purpose, purpose, living life with more intention. So I invite you to ask yourself this question before we embark on our journey Are you living a purposeful life Each day when you wake up? Have you woven intentions into your day? Or are you just randomly floating through and then it’s over, and then you pass out? And how many years have you been doing that? So this isn’t a judgment on where you are. It’s an invitation to perhaps apply just a little more intentionality, a little more purpose, into all the different aspects of our life. What do you think about this topic?

Elizabeth Winkler: 2:08

Elizabeth, one of my favorite topics. So I being a therapist, people come to me often when something really big is going on, like they’re facing a diagnosis or they’re facing some huge change of life, and that often brings us to our knees. And when that sort of thing happens, a shadow arises, a darkness arises. We often ask these sorts of questions. We ask ourselves what matters, how do I want to live my life? But I really hope that today we can bring in that opportunity into people who are just moving through the Starbucks line or traffic. Right now, you know, we can choose to live intentionally in every moment and not wait for that day that I’m faced with death or diagnosis or whatever it may be. I’m faced with death or diagnosis or whatever it may be. So I actually had a conversation with someone yesterday about this who was facing some really challenging times has been, and I also had another client who’s dealing with cancer and all of the changes that that brings. And the question is how do I live, how do I live my life? And we always have a choice and we don’t have to wait until that time. We have to look at what we value, what do you value most? And I have a process I always take people through to get in touch with that. Do tell. So. It sounds a little morbid, but I don’t mean for it to be, and this is something people can do at the beginning of the day. I like to start my day with meditation, and also you can add this at the end or if you don’t meditate, which I obviously. We both recommend that, but I think when you meditate it puts you into a more open, available space. So after meditation, I think you’re more open to connecting to your North Star, and some people are like well, north Star, what’s that? What’s that?

Elizabeth Winkler: 4:08

Well, the way I look at it is, I used to work with a lot of people who were on their deathbed. That was something I did for a long time, or I was helping people who were saying goodbye to their child who was dying. I did a lot of that in my early years as a therapist and what I’ve noticed and seen is that people at the end of their life are reflecting on those moments that mattered most, and they’re all talking about the time that they had, what they valued, et cetera. So if we choose, we can actually go to our deathbed right now. We can all. Just pause and what I’ll say to a client is okay, so let’s just pretend today’s your last day. It isn’t, but let’s just pretend that it is. And if you can do that at the beginning of your day and be like, okay, so let’s just be in the awareness that today may be my last day.

Elizabeth Winkler: 5:06

And if it were, what would have mattered most? Reflecting back, just taking a moment, closing your eyes, think of those moments that stick out, maybe moments of connection or forgiveness you forgave someone Gratitude, awe, love, empathy. What was the energy that was created in those moments? And usually what people say when I first ask them what matters most? What do you value? They say family, friends. That’s most common, and I always ask them to go deeper. Go to the energy that was created, cause often in our family and friendships there’s a lot of challenges, a lot of shadow. Go to those moments that mattered. And what was that energy?

Elizabeth Winkler: 6:10

And that, to me, that is when we capture what we value, our intention, a vibration that is at the deepest level, that is universal, at the deepest level, that is universal, and so we can do that every day and connect to what is that value? So maybe for me today it’s kindness or light, gratitude, love, curiosity, presence, curiosity presence, and whatever that is. You can bring that into your vortex like a drop of dye. You could see it as a color in your field, and then you get to go through your day with the intention and the mantra. So let’s say that mine is let me be kind, the mantra is let me be, and whatever the word is, whatever the intention, the value you add let me be kind, let me be free, let me be love. And you can bring that into the Starbucks line, the traffic or your interactions with your loved ones or the people that challenge you. And that is a way to really be a creator of intention. And then at the end of your life guess what? You have more memories that have meaning.

davidji: 7:52

And I think that’s how we live a more fulfilling life in each moment. So powerful, that is so powerful. Yeah, you know, I think about this concept of purpose because, as part of my morning meditation practice which, again, some of us wake up and the first thing we do is pray Some of us wake up and the first thing we do is smile. Some of us wake up and the first thing we do is meditate. Some of us have a gratitude practice, Some of us have some type of physical thing. The first thing you do, you wake up, you practice yoga or Pilates or go to the gym or workout or lift or get out there and run or bike, something along those lines. We’re not even aware of it, but we have these rituals that we wake up to and we sort of flow. And if you have one of these rituals even brushing your teeth or how you shower or bathe or make your morning cup of liquid, whatever that looks like we sort of have a train of morning ablution rituals. It’s like the 12 things we do every single morning and we do them on autopilot. We’re not even thinking. You don’t know what time you brush your teeth, but you know you typically brush after you do this one thing and before you do this one thing, and then at a certain point the rituals run out, the stuff we do every single day. Okay, I’m done with that. And then we sort of like give ourselves up to all. Right now I’m just going to float through the day.

davidji: 9:16

There will be no intention here, but what I would like to invite everyone to do is in that early, early, early morning practice for me, Elizabeth, I believe it’s for you as well we have a sort of our meditation practice includes setting intentions for the day. It includes a little bit of gratitude, it includes perhaps a prayer, it includes perhaps asking some sacred questions such as who am I? Or who am I when I’m at my best, or what am I grateful for, or what does my heart truly long for. This is the stuff we have to ask these questions to get to an answer that will guide us through the rest of the day. Whether you are devotional and practice deep, deep devotion to the divine or to God, or to Jesus or to Allah, or to pick your deity, or whether your highest power is your soul and your understanding of self, To start your day by making a pledge or a vow or a commitment or even just a blessing that you show up as your best, Even planting the seed.

davidji: 10:30

Today, I’d like more happiness in my life Today. I would like more forgiveness in my life Today. I plan to be a little more patient Today. You fill in the blank there. That is how to live your day, your life, with more intentionality. Just like if you get into your vehicle and you type the address you want to go to into the GPS or into your Apple Maps or Google Maps. You don’t have to go there. But as you drift away from that directional course, there’ll be some reminders like hey, you should probably turn around right now, or there’s a lot of traffic there, why don’t you move over to the next road? If we can have these same type of embedded intentions typing the address for our purpose of the day into our internal GPS higher likelihood we’ll go there.

davidji: 11:24

There are times where I set my course. I’m going to be more patient today. And what does that mean? I’m going to be a better listener. I’m going to be a little more forgiving. I’m going to allow things to unfold. I’m going to practice that line of Lao Tzu.

davidji: 11:36

Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear, Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself? I’m going to live that for the day, and then suddenly it’s two o’clock and I find myself tapping my fingers, going like hey, when’s that thing going to happen? And you know, patience is a virtue. It needs to be tested for it to actually be cultivated. But here I am clearly not responding in a patient manner to someone’s demand or something that I’m waiting to unfold. If I did it every single day and patience was my virtue or was my commitment for the day, probably if it was every single day and it was a conversation in front of mind and back of mind, after a week or two I’d probably be a little more patient. It’s like when I practice the witness and accept body scan meditation I put that out on Insight Timer do it for 56 days. There are literally tens of thousands of people who do it every week and they’re changing their life. Why? Because I’m silently whispering in their ear for 19 minutes as we scan the body, witness and accept, and in that moment it becomes you. And so what do you want in life?

davidji: 12:57

The Bhagavad Gita has the word dharma, D-H-A-R-M-A. We think it’s like oh, that’s purpose in life, because that’s what’s been talked about for the past 50 years or so. But the Bhagavad Gita is 2,300 years old. It was written 300 years before Jesus walked the earth, and back then Dharma did not mean purpose, it meant duty, and I would like to think each of us is here to perform some profound duty right now, Not just in our life. We’re not here for one thing and then we die. We’re here for so many things and right now, in this moment, in this arc of your life, what are you here to do? What have you been put here? To create or experience or share? Or are you helping, healing and serving others, or what?

davidji: 13:46

are you doing here?

davidji: 13:47

And I think it’s really beautiful and nourishing to ask that question and live with some intentionality and to sort of accept that you are here to fulfill a certain duty right now. So close your eyes and ask yourself unless you’re driving, of course what have I arrived here right now, in this moment? What have I arrived here to do? What is my relevance right here, right now? What is the gift that I could share with the world? How can I help someone else? How can I expand my own healing, soothing creativity, perhaps? What am I here to do?

Elizabeth Winkler: 14:33

Yeah, I think that so many people get stressed or at least I have experienced that with clients by what is my purpose. You know, what am I here to do? And they get lost in the role of it right here to do, and they get lost in the role of it right. And something you and I’ve talked about is moving from our role to our soul, and I think that’s really what we need to look at here. So, looking at a deeper level, looking at that energy. So there is a quote that I’m going to read.

Elizabeth Winkler: 15:03

Just take this in for a moment. It’s by Martha Graham. There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique and if you block it, it will never exist through any other mechanism and it will be lost. The world will not have it.

Elizabeth Winkler: 15:42

So, each person here today, we want to see the light that you are, or the world will not have it, and we are so often in comparison and trying to be like somebody else, and when we do that, we block it, we block our uniqueness, we block our prism, you know, in order for us to be not in the prison of the mind and to be in the prism of our true being.

Elizabeth Winkler: 16:18

We need to let go of that comparing, judging, shooting. You know what am I supposed to do. You know, until you can look at the end of your life as a stressful thing, like, well, at the end of my life, what’s it going to look like? And that’s why I invite this, this, you know, quote unquote deathbed not as a stressful thing, as a way to connect now to what has mattered so far, because then you’re connecting to your heart, then you’re connecting from the soul level, because only you know what mattered. When you reflect back from now to your whole life, you know what felt alive, you know what felt real and meaningful to you. And if you follow that, I really feel, if you follow that, the universe has your back, because there’s a purpose for your existence. Your existence matters and if you’re in alignment with that, it will come into fruition more easily.

davidji: 17:25

Yeah, it will come into fruition more easily. Yeah, not to make this so extreme, because you don’t have to suddenly feel oh my God, I only have a couple minutes left till I die. You know, have I lived with intentionality? Do I have any regrets? What didn’t I do? What did I do? What should I have done? All of that?

davidji: 17:45

The basic reality is that we are sealed in this flesh casing for the span of a lifetime and no one knows what that is, and that could be a minute or a hundred years. And the person who eats the perfect diet doesn’t matter. The person who eats lard all day long and suddenly, what was your secret to living life, 95-year-old person? They’re like I took a shot of whiskey every night and I ate Oreos every single morning for breakfast. Like, okay, like. Some things are DNA, some things are nurture, some things are just. We just don’t know. So since we do know that we’re all going to leave this earth plane at some point, that should give us some impetus or inspiration to show up and not phone anything in. Let me make this moment matter. That’s it. It just gets that simple. Do we all show up? Sometimes half-heartedly? Yes, of course. We’re tired, we’re feeling sad, we’re being triggered. We had a bad night’s sleep, we got in an argument, we received some bad news. There’s a million reasons we could use for not showing up with bells on for every single moment. But that being said, how about if you just took one or two or three aspects of your life and began to live with a little greater intention?

davidji: 19:08

There’s this concept, a Japanese concept known as ikigai, i-k-i-g-a-i ikigai, ikigai and ikigai means waking to joy. Waking to joy. Imagine if every single moment, when you did open your eyes first thing, there was joy, not happiness. Joy, right, happiness is like. The moment feels good, so you respond positively. Joy is this infinite reservoir that rests inside of you and, and knowing that you have that, you can tap it anytime you want, you can access it anytime you want and it’s always flowing through you. That is your state. So ikigai is the convergence, the divine convergence, of four components of your life, and you may want to apply this and obviously, if you have a hand free, you might want to write this down or sort of squiggle it out, but I always view these as circles that converge, and four circles one on the top, one on the bottom, one on the left, one on the right, but if we overlap them, even tinily, in the middle, where a little fraction of each circle is actually touching in the middle, that’s ikigai. So here are the four categories of circles or of life.

davidji: 20:40

Number one doing what you love. Doing what you love. So does it bring you joy to do what you do? Is it bringing you fulfillment to do what you do? This doesn’t mean there aren’t hard days. This doesn’t mean there aren’t jerks necessarily where you work, and we can talk about that on another episode. But I don’t believe I’ve ever heard His Holiness the Dalai Lama come home from a hard day’s work and go oh my God, they’re so toxic out there. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard His Holiness the Dalai Lama come home from a hard day’s work and go oh my God, they’re so toxic out there. I don’t think that’s been his thing.

davidji: 21:13

So do you love what you’re doing? Second are you good at what it is that you’re doing? Do you love it? Are you good at it? Number three, and this is a really important one is it serving, helping or healing others? And the fourth circle in the original Japanese cultural flow there wasn’t this emphasis on can you monetize it or can you get paid for it. It was a deeper conversation of do I feel rewarded by this? Once this teaching came to the West, classically, it became and can I get paid? So I would like to remove that. And can I get paid out of this, because this doesn’t have to actually be your paid job, but can I feel rewarded? Am I feeling rewarded? So, if you are loving what you do, good at it, helping, healing and serving others and in some way feel reward from it you know there’s hospice work that I do it feels so rewarding. I’ve worked with marginalized individuals in my coaching. It feels so great to help someone step up to the next level.

davidji: 22:30

And we can apply this concept of ikigai. Am I loving it? Am I good at it? Does it help heal and serve, or help or heal or serve others? Just think, is this just for me, just for my own gain, or are other people benefiting from this? And then, lastly, does it feel fulfilling? And so Ikigai can actually be applied to every single aspect of our lives, right?

davidji: 22:58

If you find yourself doing something and you’re not really wanting to be doing that thing, you need to ask yourself why am I showing up? Am I showing up because it’s my duty and I just need to do this thing. And then you need to own it and love it, because ultimately you’ll just resent whatever the inspiration was for even moving you to that moment. So are you loving it? Are you good at it? And that just means maybe you’re even cultivating yourself, training at it, getting a little bit better at this thing. You know, show up and do the thing, whatever it is, from meditation to learning a language, to playing a musical instrument, to using technology, whatever that is. We’re going to get better at it if we just keep showing up and applying ourself to that. Is it helping others?

davidji: 23:41

This is an important concept of Abraham Maslow. This whole concept of ultimately self-actualization is am I contributing to the greater good? Am I serving something beyond me? That even goes back to Rabbi Hillel 2,000 years ago. Same kind of concept If I’m not for myself, who is for me? If I’m only for myself, what am I? That’s an important question. But then that second line there if I’m only for myself, what am I? So we need to find deeper meaning in the things we do, so that the ripple goes out there and helps and heals and serves someone else. And you got to feel good about it. If you’re doing it and you’re a martyr, stop stop. No one’s benefiting from that. We’re not appreciating it. You doing something because it fills you and fulfills you. That’s beautiful, Elizabeth. You teach this every day to all of your clients and you go through these types of experiences and really share how people can level up, guide us into a higher understanding of purpose.

Elizabeth Winkler: 24:46

Well, I just think it’s so beautiful and it’s how we want to live our lives, and yet we’re all tripping and falling down on this all the time. And I think a really good question to ask yourself is how do I want people to feel when I’ve left them? It’s another way to look at this. What is the ripple I want to bring, you know, when you leave people? How do you want them to feel when you’ve left? What’s that impact? And this is like again, I always go to the Starbucks line or traffic because people are like, yeah, I feel good when I. You know, I have a lot of purpose in my work. That I do. I feel very aligned in the work and I love it and that’s why I’m here doing this. But then there’s all these other things, that errands we have to run that maybe we don’t feel like we really want to do. So I want to expand Ikigai into that. I don’t want to limit it.

Elizabeth Winkler: 25:38

I remember many years ago I was reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth and he was talking about being in the zone and being in your purpose, your inner purpose, and that most people are in this zone in their work. They feel in alignment, they’re in presence. They’re living in presence, but they’re not doing it in other areas of their life, and so if you can do it one place, you can do it any place, and so let’s not limit this just to. For example, for me, I was totally living in presence when I was in the therapy room with my clients. I was letting go of my mind, I was fully merging with them and able to connect at the deepest level. Right, but then in my maybe personal relationships or running around Los Angeles, I wasn’t. I was listening to my mind, I was comparing, I was judging or whatever. I was getting distracted and it just had such an impact on me.

Elizabeth Winkler: 26:34

I was like, if you can do it there, in one area of your life, where are you doing this? Where are you fully merged? Where are you in union? People may be really resonating with that. In some area, we can bring it anywhere, and that’s where we bring intention and awareness, intention and attention to that. So identifying okay, what am I doing in that place where I’m really like, thriving and I’m able to be in the zone? If you can do it there, you can do it anywhere. I think that that’s a really important thing, so that when you’re in the Starbucks line, you’re not waiting to get to the front. You’re actually allowing yourself to enjoy the present moment. Or look at what’s happening in your body, as maybe anxiety is arising.

davidji: 27:18

I have to share. So Elizabeth and I are in the Starbucks, we wait in line, we order our stuff and then we’re having this deep conversation and we’re like, so present we are, so we’re gazing into each other’s eyes. You know she’s talking, then I’m talking, then she’s talking, then I’m talking. We’re like flowing our hearts. There’s just like this whole thing. And then this woman comes up and says are you people in line? And we realized we were so present, clearly not aware. We were present, but not aware. We were the giant blockage for anyone else who wanted to be on the line. She said are you online? And I said no, we’re just here blocking you. And then, of course, because we are the shadow and the light, Elizabeth instantly turned into I was laughing.

Elizabeth Winkler: 27:59

I was like everything we talk about is what’s blocking you from your abundance. What’s blocking you? And I’m like, here we are, we’re the blockage.

davidji: 28:09

We are the blockage blocking this wind from the fulfillment of her Starbucks Fulfillment of her desire.

Elizabeth Winkler: 28:12

But yeah, so let’s talk about blockages for a second. When I talk about intention to corporate wellness, I do some corporate wellness in the world and I’ll talk about what’s your North and I’ll have people do the little exercise we did at the beginning of think of it last day what do you value most? What’s your North Star? Identifying that and what I’ve discovered is through all the work I’ve done, is that I worked with a group and one person’s North Star was intimacy. And this person’s defense was she would go into silence, like silent treatment, and out of the fight or flight she would just retreat, she would go into flight. So her North Star is intimacy and her defense is to shut down and run away and just get silent.

Elizabeth Winkler: 28:58

Our blockage you know the way that we defend typically is the antithesis to what we actually want. And in this group I was working with the other person in that group. His North Star was understanding and his defense was being right Like I’m right, you know and digging in his heels. So his fight or fight was fight. So he wanted to be right. But his North Star was understanding.

Elizabeth Winkler: 29:23

And the third person in this group their North Star was authenticity. I want to be my authentic self, but when she gets into an argument, her defense is putting up walls and protection, and so she wants to be authentic, but she’s putting up walls and protection, and when you do that, you can’t be authentic. So each one of us, it’s fascinating. Not only should we look at our North Star, we should look at how we go into fight flight or freeze zone and how we defend, because most often, the thing that is our defense mechanism is the actual opposite, and you were talking about this earlier when you were saying okay, you say your intention is to be patient and then all of a sudden, you get a lot of things that make you impatient. I think that’s the universe trying to teach you.

davidji: 30:09

You know, it’s like okay, that’s the only way for us to cultivate our patience is to have it tested and then get better at it, Right and so.

Elizabeth Winkler: 30:16

But it’s not always external, it’s often internal that we’re bringing that in upon ourselves. And so really, this is deep, deep intention. I was saying just to a client yesterday this person who was facing a lot of challenges and really on their knees, like okay, I’m living an intentional life and I’m like you can always do this, it doesn’t have to be facing that diagnosis and I said you know, I teach this all day and sometimes I write on my wrist the word yes or the word kindness or whatever it is I’m trying to inhabit, because I’m very clear on it at the beginning of my day. But you know, come noon, come one o’clock or whatever, when I’m a little tired, I maybe not be connecting to it. So I invite you to write it on your wrist or put it somewhere where you’re going to see it and change that up, Because if you always have it on the mirror, you’re going to eventually not see that anymore. It’s a practice that we continue daily to visit and find ways to inhabit the energy that we want to be a part of.

davidji: 31:22

Yeah, so powerful. This was so great. I’m so excited that we got a chance to really explore purpose and share some real world action steps to do that. You know, one of the most important things about our podcast is it only gets better the more and the larger the community grows. With anyone you know or care about, become an ambassador for these teachings, because these are all healing, these are all nourishing, and our purpose here really is to help you thrive and experience life at the highest possible level.

Elizabeth Winkler: 31:58

So today’s takeaway, which we’re calling Living the Light, is to get out of the personal planet of you. Remember, you’re on a planet and how do you want people to feel when you leave them? Enter a room. As you exit a room, you are bringing your energy, and how do you want people to feel?

davidji: 32:20

My name is davidji I’m here with Elizabeth and wow her level of insight and I’m just so excited for our next episode. Thank you for joining us, jamar, take us home.

Music: 32:32

I will not be afraid Of the shadows in the dark. They will lead the way To the hidden pathways of the heart and that secret place. That is where I find my start. The light is here to remove deep, to take me to new heights. The shadow and the light. There’s no fog and rock bottom. You hold it as you’re holding me, but don’t rush past this moment.

Music: 33:20

The darkness can become a friend. Love will come by your side and you’ll shine brighter than a million suns A million suns. You went through hell, but now you’re in the light. It is here to remove all your fears and to bring new sight. The light, it is love that will go to the deep, to take you to new heights. The light has come to set us free. The light has come to set us free. The shadow comes because it loves us. The shadow comes because it loves us. The shadow comes because it loves us. The shadow comes to set us free. The light is here to remove all our fears and to bring new life. The light is here to move us to the the deep, to take us to new heights. The shadow and the light.