Can Gratitude Change Your Life? Here’s how!

davidji: 0:00

Hello, this is davidji and Happy New Year. Welcome to Season 3 of the Shadow and the Light Podcast. It has been such an honor and privilege for Elizabeth and I to share with you, explore with you and heal with you, and we are so filled with gratitude as we journey together into a space of growth and freedom. In Season 3, we are taking it even deeper into the depths of growth and freedom. In season three, we are taking it even deeper into the depths of your very soul. So sit back, relax and allow the shadow and the light to pour into you.

Music: 0:36

I will not be afraid Of the shadows in the dark. They will lead the way To the hidden pathways of the heart and that secret place.

Elizabeth Winkler: 0:52

Welcome to the Shadow and the Light podcast with internationally renowned meditation teacher davidji.

davidji: 0:59

And heart healer and psychotherapist Elizabeth Winkler, as we guide you through our unique fusion of ancient wisdom and modern psychology.

Elizabeth Winkler: 1:09

Get ready to awaken your true essence, heal your wounds and transform your shadow into.

Elizabeth Winkler: 1:19

Hi davidji.

davidji: 1:41

Oh, hello there, Elizabeth. You and I talk about this a lot. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem sexy and sometimes it seems so profound Gratitude. Gratitude has been known to improve general well-being. We know that so many of the benefits that we experience in meditation are also experienced through having a regular gratitude practice. We know that gratitude leads to increased resilience, it strengthens our social relationships, it reduces stress and depression.

davidji: 2:18

Yeah, gratitude being grateful, it’s kooky. There’s a total, direct correlation between gratitude and overall well-being. But not just that. Also, there’s a deep correlation between a gratitude practice and overall life satisfaction, which is crazy, crazy. It helps us better meet our needs of serenity and connectedness. And here’s how it works neurologically the ventral and medial prefrontal cortex get activated in those moments when we are actually in the process of having a gratitude practice. And it only takes well.

davidji: 3:03

There are a couple of different ways having a gratitude practice and it only takes well. There are a couple of different ways. It only takes 20 seconds to etch gratitude into your head, but then you got to do it every day. So just like we brush our teeth, and that keeps our teeth from having cavities and keeps our breath fresh and keeps our teeth in great condition. Same thing. If we can just etch gratitude into our brain for 20 seconds a day and you may say, oh, that’s a lot of pressure every single day. Okay, it’s also been scientifically proven. If you write a 20 minute gratitude letter once a week so not every day, just once a week and you don’t have to even mail that letter, you can shred it, you can burn it, you can just throw it in the garbage, you can recycle it whatever you feel like doing. So 20 seconds every day, or 20 minutes.

davidji: 3:53

Imagine writing a gratitude letter right now, just in your mind’s eye, to someone who’s been kind to you, anyone out there that you’re like, who’s been kind to you, anyone out there that you’re like. You know someone gave me a break or someone was extraordinarily kind to me, someone was really nicer than they had to be, someone went out of their way to make my life a little bit easier. So this could be the big one, or this could be. You know, someone let you cut into line at the movies or at the checkout or at an intersection Just think of that. So we don’t spend enough time in gratitude, but it’s where our feelings of reward, morality, bonding, emotional intelligence all this stuff gets cultivated just from that practice. It’s cultivated just from that practice and, Elizabeth, I know this is such a deep, deep teaching for you and something that you really are a champion of. What’s your take on gratitude?

Elizabeth Winkler: 4:55

Well, I’ve learned a lot on gratitude from you, honestly, and also another teacher of mine on gratitude has been Oprah, because she’s huge on gratitude.

davidji: 5:05

I’m so grateful to be even spoken of in the same sentence as Oprah, so thank you.

Elizabeth Winkler: 5:11

No, it’s true, and she says it’s like the most important thing she does every day and she’s such a huge speaker on it. And I saw this piece that she did and it makes me think of gratitude as well. They had all this footage of her when she was first on the news and what she did is as her current self. She wrote a letter to her younger self. It’s such a powerful, powerful video and cause. She’s like oh remember.

Elizabeth Winkler: 5:41

I remember then you were dating this guy and she was like in an abusive relationship and all these sorts of things that were going on and she was dealing with all sorts of difficult times and she didn’t believe in herself. And now you know where it’s like reflecting back. You’re talking about writing a letter of gratitude to someone. Can we all just write a letter of gratitude to our younger selves and what we went through when we were 20, when we were 12 or whatever you know, being able to get back up when we felt knocked down. How did we do that, thanking ourselves for those sorts of things. You know, I think it’s so important to be grateful for others and all those things, but also being able to heal our own hearts and our own pain and how we were so often blaming and shaming ourselves for those difficult relationships that we endured and judging how we got through life.

Elizabeth Winkler: 6:33

I always talk about the resource that you can pull from when you think you can’t step into this moment and do the thing. When you need to access courage. I always say look back at your life. You had less wisdom then you had less tools. If you could do access courage, I always say look back at your life. You had less wisdom then you had less tools. If you could do it, then don’t judge how you did it. We’re judging how we did it usually.

davidji: 6:53

Is there a particular age or station in life that is a universal place for everyone to start at, to go back to, to write that letter to? You know, is it your 15-year-old self, or your first job self, or your most confused self?

Elizabeth Winkler: 7:12

You could go anywhere. I mean, this kind of gets into the inner child healing aspect of the whole thing. So I have a practice that I could speak to around that if you’d like.

Elizabeth Winkler: 7:22

Yeah sure, okay. So I have a practice that I offer to my clients and I give it to them, and it’s a rousing exercise. We are connecting our current self with those younger versions. Now the younger version I’m 49. My younger version could be 48. It could be 19. It could be four. So, but what I do, this is how we set it up.

Elizabeth Winkler: 7:51

I offer to my client and I’m offering to everyone here, to get a picture of yourself at the age of five or younger, find an actual photograph, or if you can, pull that up in your awareness and you start there and what you do is you just put yourself into a meditative state.

Elizabeth Winkler: 8:08

You need to do this at a time when you have time. You’re in a safe space in your home, you have at least a half hour and sit down, get relaxed and then see that five-year-old or younger in your arms and just shower that baby, that younger version of yourself, with love, Give her or him messages of unconditional love, and you just do that and you know what that child needs. You surround it with gratitude and love and kindness and forgiveness or whatever it is. I’m here for you. You are not alone. I’m here to hold you and see you and hear you and if there’s anything that you need, I’m here to be that receiver of whatever you need. So you start there and you can do this daily. But what will happen is that the unconscious starts to open up. If you start to commit to this, what will happen? Because I remember when I first did it a long time ago.

Elizabeth Winkler: 9:15

I close my eyes the next day and then, all of a sudden, the 12 year old shows up, or then the next day, all of a sudden, there’s a 20 year old in my lap. So what happens is the parts of us that need healing, that were, you know, developmentally arrested, arise because they are aware that there is this healing practice happening and so it’s really cool. Because they are aware that there’s this healing practice happening and so it’s really cool. And the thing is, when it’s like 12 or 19, you know what they need, because that’s something we’re more aware of. Those are when these different traumas maybe happened and so, whatever was going on, you’re the best person to be now in the adult space of whatever you didn’t get from the people around you. Now you can offer that in. It’s a very healing practice. It’s a beautiful practice. Lots of tears can come, but that’s how we heal. So that’s one of the ways that I work with it Wow, working with your younger self.

davidji: 10:11

I mean, that was just I did. You saw me, I was closing my eyes and I don’t have a picture of myself when I was younger. But just going back to that space was pretty powerful for me Because often when I see myself it’s at much later times in my life and I’ve guided people through various exercises specifically to go back to a point in time when you were your most innocent and, you know, maybe before you had made any real big moves in your life, because then there was that loss of innocence or that evolution into really a different mindset or heart set that you took into the next phase of your life.

Elizabeth Winkler: 10:56

One thing that I didn’t say is when you’re doing this. So often there are silenced things within these frozen ages. So when you’re doing this, let’s say okay, I’m going to use myself. 19, I lost my mother. A lot of pain was there. Fortunately, I’ve been able to work through that and heal that. However, at a certain point in time, I had to do a lot of work on that. So I would see her and I knew what she needed. She felt very abandoned, so what I would say to her is I’m here, I’m taking your hand.

davidji: 11:28

And.

Elizabeth Winkler: 11:28

I did abandon myself through many years as well, in different ways. So I’d say I’m here. If there’s anything you need, you can speak to me, I will listen. And so what will happen is, as you move on from that meditative experience, you may get more whispers from your heart as to things that you need, that your inner child or younger version of yourself needs or wants or is desiring, and so attending to that. So we’re like making new commitments to ourself, and it’s important that we remain open and show up for ourselves in that way, but anyway.

Elizabeth Winkler: 12:04

So the Oprah letter made me think of that exercise that I do, but I love this I’ve offered this to people to write a letter to your younger self and to celebrate whatever she did or he did or not, to judge it, to look at what you learned, how you grew, and I think that’s a great gratitude practice. I also created a practice around gratitude, because whatever you notice grows, so you can grow gratitude. And how do you do that? Well, when you’re feeling a moment of gratitude, pause, connect to that, bring awareness to that, and that will allow it to grow, and then you can extend that out to others. So it grows within your heart and then you can extend it to others. Another thing I’ve been doing lately is sending a message to my child with what I’m grateful for, like unnamed three things I’m grateful for and then, what are you grateful for? So having someone that you’re doing a gratitude practice with back and forth through texting is a way that we can connect and extend gratitude beyond ourselves.

davidji: 13:15

That is so cool, that is so powerful. I love that. I love that. I love that, and some people are pretty compliant. I’m sure I could do that with my dad. I’m sure I could just say I’m grateful for this. Tell me one thing you’re grateful for. I’m sure we could do that and it would be fun and it would build on this, and he wouldn’t say why.

Elizabeth Winkler: 13:34

Yeah, he would just play along. And also, I’ve heard many people say okay, so you do three things you’re grateful for and you can’t repeat ever. So what does that do? It challenges you in your day to be more aware of the things around you. Everything’s fresh and new, so there’s always millions of things that we’re experiencing that we can be grateful for, because you could always say I’m grateful for my breath, but if you say that every day, it just becomes monotonous. We are grateful for our breath because we are. However, it’s a nice experience to challenge yourself, to just be fresh with that practice.

davidji: 14:15

Another great gratitude tool is the gratitude jar, and I recommend everyone do this. I find this to be one of the most powerful tools that we could ever have. I don’t know if you have a gratitude jar, but you just take a regular jar any jar or bowl or vase or whatever you call it, that’s clear. And then you go to Michael’s craft store or some store where you can get multicolored pieces of paper and then, as you move throughout the day, you may suddenly go like, oh, I’m so grateful for my dog, peaches, the Buddha Princess. I’m so grateful that I live in a country where I have the freedom to voice my opinion. I’m so grateful that I live where I can smell ocean air. I’m so grateful. You know, whatever it is, it can be profound or it can be mundane, it doesn’t matter. I’m so grateful for those delicious Starbucks egg white bites. Right, and you take that, write it, crumple it up, drop it in, because there’s going to be days where you’re like, ah, this is just a horrible day, there’s nothing I have to be happy about. I’m so miserable. Maybe you have a challenge, maybe there’s, you know, something that’s just come up, maybe it’s an emergency, maybe just like a knife to your heart for whatever it is. You reach into that gratitude jar and you pull out like, oh yeah, I live in the sweet spot of the universe, crumple it up, put it back in. But suddenly you realize the yin and yang. There’s as much to be grateful for as there is to be grieving about, if not more. And these are the offsetters. 20 seconds of gratitude takes 20 seconds for positive impressions to etch into us. So why not spend that time with gratitude, the 20-minute gratitude letter and or the gratitude jar?

davidji: 16:14

Of course, I also recommend that we have that afternoon bookended meditation practice of let go, letting go of whatever comes into our awareness. And you may say, no, I’ve been doing a lot of work, I don’t have anything to let go of. Oh well, something you said you wish you could take back, but you can’t. Something you did you wish you could undo, something someone said that you took personally or took offense to A grudge, a grievance, a misspeak, a misstep, a holding on to A judgment and something you could have said or done, but you didn’t. This is our whole realm of regret slash, grievance. And if we don’t have a release process or a letting go process and again, as Elizabeth said. We don’t even have to go back to the scene of the crime on all these. We don’t even have to go back to the words we said we wish we hadn’t. We just go to the energy of it and spend that time every day in the afternoon four or five minutes, just breathe.

davidji: 17:37

And for me, I start my day with a fairly detailed and rich meditation practice, with some stillness and some intention setting and some mantra practice and forgiveness practice. But always one of the sacred questions that I ask myself is what am I grateful for? Who am I grateful for? Who am I grateful for? What are the situations and circumstances, the stuff for which I’m truly grateful? That’s an important part of my morning. Now. You may want to do that at the end of the evening, when you’re laying in bed at night. You may want to do that in the afternoon as part of your second meditation of the day, or you may want to start your day with that. I start my day with that because I build upon that and that’s something that I separate and I’m pretty happy and excited for. Gratitude is such an important component because we are consistently offsetting it with those grievances, those regrets and those grief moments.

Elizabeth Winkler: 18:38

Yes, you’re making me think of this inquiry I heard from Michael Beckwith, which is getting us out of fear, grievance. What good is here that I presently cannot see? You know, we’re so focused on fear, we’re so focused on the pain of the past, and that’s important for us to work with within our own bodies, but what good is here that I cannot presently see? And what that does is it allows that blockage to become an opportunity. The crisis becomes an opportunity for us to see the crack where the healing is, and go into the wound. The wound is the way.

Elizabeth Winkler: 19:20

So, whatever grievance you’re having, we’re not about dismissing it. It’s about being able maybe there’s something here for you to learn, to grow. Maybe there’s a pattern here. You know that you’re not allowing yourself to enter into what is trying to emerge within my soul, within myself. What am I learning through this experience? And so, when we can ask ourselves important questions, inquire into it, and that’s not always easy to find those questions. But that’s why we have all these teachings to allow ourselves to go deeper. And we’ve talked about this before the negativity bias of our mind. I don’t remember who this was, but she said, with every negative thing, she would say three positives to help with that negativity bias, to bring more balance into our lives, because it’s a challenge. We are just. It’s so easy to go into the negative, it’s so easy to go into fear.

davidji: 20:23

Yeah, you know there’s this thing. It connects down from our medulla oblongata not to get into brain anatomy, but imagine your brain, that big blob of your brain is hanging out and then at the very bottom of it there’s the medulla oblongata, which is sort of like the junction box, and then extending out from that is our spinal cord and all the other nerves that run through our body. Well, the biggest nerve in our body is called the vagus nerve, not like Las Vegas, but V-A-G-U-S, the vagus nerve, and some people refer to this as the vagal system or the polyvagal system. Anyway, what does vagus mean? You can go back to the ancient Latin word. Vagus meant wandering. And why is that? Because the vagus nerve is the longest nerve in your entire body and it extends from the medulla oblongata right through your ears, right around your ears, moves right down your carotid artery, runs over your heart, over your lungs, down into your belly. This is the nerve system that sends messages to your brain about what we should do, and on the back of this nerve it’s known as the dorsal, and the front of this nerve, the belly side of it, it’s known as the ventral. So it’s got a dorsal, like a dorsal fin on a fish is the, you know, the shark fin on the back. And so it’s got the belly side and the backside. Well, the backside only looks for danger, only looks for danger. So it’s in constant danger seeking mode. The belly side only looks for safety.

davidji: 22:14

So you’ve got this, this nerve, the biggest nerve in your entire body, running through your entire body. So you’ve got this nerve, the biggest nerve in your entire body, running through your entire body, sending messages to your brain constantly of danger, safety, danger, safety, danger, safety. So the backside of it is resting against your heart and so the second your heart starts to beat a little bit faster, it’s triggering danger, danger, danger, danger. It’s just a fascinating journey that we can suddenly be aware of. So, yeah, our brain is constantly scanning the horizon, every moment, for danger and safety and feeding these signals back through our digestive system. Right, because when we sense danger, instantly the digestive system shuts down. Instantly we start breathing more rapidly and more shallowly. Instantly our heart beats faster and faster and faster. And all these messages are being sent to the brain. Who’s saying, uh-oh, we might be getting ready here for a fight-flight moment. So, because we are in constant seek mode, we as humans are in seek mode, looking for safety, looking for comfort We’ve talked on another podcast sometimes looking for certainty as a form for safety, looking for comfort We’ve talked on another podcast sometimes looking for certainty as a form of safety, but always seeking danger, almost wanting to experience the danger.

davidji: 23:32

If we’re seeking it and we find it, it’s like yes, okay, we were looking for that thing, we found that thing, we are in danger, let’s lock it down, let’s get busy, and so having a gratitude practice can be such an important influence in our life and offsetting that. I know I just took everyone down like the giant rabbit hole of brain mechanics, neurology and anatomy, but it really reinforces the fact that we are constantly on the hunt on the hunt for safety and or danger, and we’re looking for both 24-7.

Elizabeth Winkler: 24:09

Yeah, so between stimulus and response there’s a space. This is what you teach, right, and we create that space through our breath. And what I do for the vagus nerve is you extend your exhale. If you look at HeartMath, they’ve done a lot of research and the way that you can get out of fight or flight is extend that exhale just a little bit longer than the inhale and you can bring your awareness. You can pause and notice in your heart, bring your attention there and I like to even think of the center of my chest as where I’m breathing. So I’m breathing in and out of my heart and just as you breathe in, as you exhale, extend it a little bit longer. What does that do? It turns the vagus nerve on and then all is well. You are telling your body that it’s turning the amygdala off.

Elizabeth Winkler: 25:06

So that’s an active way that we can get into a place of feeling like I am well, all is well, and I can access that space to choose grievance or gratitude, and we are in a feeling universe. So are you wanting to be in the feeling vibration of fear or in the feeling vibration of gratitude, which is ultimately love, joy? We get to choose what we create, but when we are locked in our fear mode, we do not feel like we have a choice and the universe responds to the feeling vibration that we are emitting. And so through these practices through the breath, through meditation, through being deliberate in your, you know, listing what you’re grateful for writing a letter or doing this exercise I offered we can shift the frequency that we are emanating into the universe and allow that scared energy to become sacred. That’s just like a rearranging of the word scared. So I think that this is a really powerful way to shift and if you’re not feeling really grateful, you have an opportunity to shift that in each moment.

davidji: 26:31

This would be that moment where we would glide into today’s takeaway, living the light. We have so many opportunities to tap into gratitude, whether that’s just for 20 seconds. It’s really hard sometimes, but it’s 20 seconds and in 20 seconds we can begin the etching. And especially the fact that people who have a daily gratitude practice actually report deeper fulfillment in life. So if you would like more fulfillment in your life, how about 20 seconds? Let’s try it right now. Close your eyes right now unless you’re driving or chopping and in this moment, just allow your gratitude list in your mind’s eye to unfold. It’s etched. Feel free to open your eyes, take a deep breath in, let it all go. If we could do that every single day, you know it feels good. It feels good to be thinking about the stuff that feels good. So let’s keep that going, because you got your vagus nerve out there. Think of your vagus nerve as like it’s almost like this serpent that’s sticking out of the top of your head, looking for stuff that isn’t working, looking for stuff that saddens or maddens you, looking for stuff that’s disappointing or woulda, coulda, shoulda. And think of your gratitude practice as an easy offset, an easy way to transcend that and level up your life and shift it.

davidji: 28:27

My name is davidji. I’m here with the grateful goddess of gratitude, Elizabeth Winkler, who’s a powerful archetype of taking your life to the next level, expressing this timeless wisdom, always living in equanimity and when she’s not — always realizing it, and taking a long, slow, deep breath in. We’re here on the Shadow and the Light podcast. We’ll talk more about gratitude over the next days and years and, as I mentioned, our contract expires in 2038, because that’s when. The next. When is that the next eclipse?

Elizabeth Winkler: 28:57

We have an eclipse in a couple of days. Right, we have eclipses all the time.

davidji: 29:01

Right, no, but there’s one. There’s one big solar. The next big solar eclipse is like in 18 years.

Elizabeth Winkler: 29:07

It’s a big question mark, though you know we’re open to it being beyond that, right oh yeah, yeah, if we have to go to 2050, we’re okay.

davidji: 29:15

We’re okay with that, but our contract that we have with the universe expires at the next full solar eclipse. That’s about 15 years. Anyway, we are so grateful that you’ve joined us on this podcast. Please, whether you’re listening to us on Spotify, apple Podcasts or any other format, let’s stay connected. Share these teachings with others. If you found value in this, feel free to post this on social media. If you found value in this, feel free to post this on social media. We do not currently advertise and that allows you to just hang in with us instead of hearing everybody else’s ads for stuff that who knows if they even like or care about. But we care about you and we’re so grateful that you’re here and on our episode of Gratitude, Elizabeth, I’m so grateful for you. Mateo, on our sound guy, I’m so grateful for you and I’m grateful for the Film Hub that we get to be in this little podcast room and hang out together From the sweet spot. Awaken your gratitude practice and we’ll see you on the next episode.

davidji: 30:32

Jamar Rogers, so grateful for you Take us to the next phase

 

Music:

In that secret place. That is where I find my start. The light Is here to remove all my fears and to bring new sight. The light Is a cloud that will go to the deep To take me to you. The light, the shadow and the light. There’s hope out in bright bottom. You hold it as you’re holding me, but don’t rush past this moment.

Music: 31:16

The darkness can become a friend. Love will come by your side and you’ll shine brighter than a million suns A million suns. You went through hell, but now you’re in the light. It is here to remove all your fears and to bring new sight. The light, the light. It is not able to hold you deep, to take you to new heights. The shadow and the light has come because it loves us. The light has come to set us free. The shadow comes because it loves us. The shadow comes to set us free. The light is here to remove all our fears and to bring new life. The light is here to remove, will go on to the deep To take us to new heights. The shadow and the light.