Here’s How to Shift from Fear to Confidence & Emotional Courage!
Season 3 • • January 14, 2025
With Co-Hosts davidji & Elizabeth Winkler
Here’s How to Shift from Fear to Confidence & Emotional Courage!
Internationally renowned meditation teacher davidji and heart healer Elizabeth Winkler guide us on a journey of empowerment and self-discovery. Unearth the secrets of inner authority and confidence as we explore how stepping into your true power can transform your life, especially in times of adversity. Inspired by the wisdom on perseverance, we introduce the empowering mantra, “I am, I can, I will, I do,” to help you harness self-leadership and take actionable steps toward personal and professional growth.
Our conversation leads us into the intricate connection between emotions and decision-making, drawing on the ancient wisdom of the Brihadaranyaka Upanishads. Together, we unpack how desires shape our destiny and the importance of self-care in bolstering resilience. The discussion highlights vulnerability as a catalyst for growth, sharing insights from experiences with law enforcement and college students. Learn how to trust the process of growth, manage life transitions, and use mantras to foster emotional courage.
Celebrate your victories, big or small, with a mindset of gratitude that raises your vibration and transforms life’s transitions into opportunities for growth. We introduce the concept of the “Enlightened Exchange,” encouraging you to release non-nourishing elements and make room for positive changes. Finally, embrace the dance between shadow and light, recognizing how both guide you toward freedom and enlightenment. This episode promises a wealth of insights, encouraging kindness, continuous learning, and the wisdom to navigate life’s challenges with love.
We transform the world by transforming ourselves.
Share this podcast with your friends, loved ones, and workmates.
Visit davidji.com & elizabethwinkler.com for additional healing resources.
Big shoutout to the amazing Jamar Rogers for creating such powerful music and lyrics for the official song of The Shadow & The Light Podcast!
Music: 0:00
I will not be afraid of the shadows in the dark. They will lead the way to the hidden pathways of the heart, To that secret place that is where I find my start.
Elizabeth Winkler: 0:17
Welcome to the Shadow and the Light podcast with internationally renowned meditation teacher, davidji.
davidji: 0:24
And heart healer and psychotherapist Elizabeth Winkler, as we guide you through our unique fusion of ancient wisdom and modern psychology.
Elizabeth Winkler: 0:33
Get ready to awaken your true essence, heal your wounds and transform your shadow into.
Elizabeth Winkler: 0:43
Hi davidji.
davidji:
Oh, hello there, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth Winkler: 2:33
So today I have a quote that I recently read that really hit me hard. It’s Barack Obama. He said the future rewards those who press on. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself, I don’t have time to complain, I’m going to press on. His words really hit me hard when I read them, and they reflect not just on perseverance but the kind of inner confidence, or what I like to call authority, that emerges when we acknowledge our own power, even in tough times. Especially in tough times and I see this a lot People come to me often when they’re facing difficult decisions.
Elizabeth Winkler:
They maybe have challenges in their relationship or with their children. Parents work, whatever it may be, and people are looking for more confidence. How can I make that step? I don’t have an issue with the word confidence at all, but I like to look at it as our true power. Stepping into our true power is our authority. There’s no greater authority than your own when you step into the wealth of your true being. So, out of that egoic, not enoughness, where we’re feeling I’m not enough and every one of us has that part of ourselves it’s not the best version of ourself. We need to acknowledge it, we need to welcome it and allow kindness to mix with it, as I’ve said before. But we can grow that part of ourselves that doesn’t feel enough by accepting it, allowing it to exist, and know that. There is a lot of experience that I have been through that has gotten me here, so I have some little tools I want to offer on this. But do you want to say anything.
davidji:
I think this is such a great topic and thank you for springing this one on us Wow, because this is really the pathway to emotional intelligence. This is one of the most important byproducts of spending time in stillness and silence, meditating a couple of times over the course of the day, and even when we think about leadership, all leadership is self-leadership, and so it all keeps coming back to source, back to source, back to that self-source as well, and I think it’s the answer to every single question. You want a better relationship with your work environment it comes back to the self. You want a better relationship with someone in your life? It comes back to the self. You want to be a greater contributor to our community and to our world and to our culture, or your culture or your neighborhood, or whatever your movement or your mission it comes back to the self. I’m such a big fan of cultivating our self-confidence and I think there are many, many ways we can do it, and I’m exstrongd to dive into that with you, right now.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Yeah, I love this. Okay, so I have these four little statements that will help you with this. Okay, so we begin with these four phrases that’ll help you step into your power, step into your confidence, your authority. So first, I am acknowledge yourself as you are right now, without judgment, just. I am nothing beyond that, wherever you are, except and then I can. So the I can is helping you believe in your capability to handle challenges, no matter how tough they may be, and the I can is how you can get to that place, because many people are like I don’t know if I can. So if you’re in that space, how do you access the I can?
Elizabeth Winkler:
Well, I want you to look at your whole life experience as your resource. So, from when you were born till this moment, that’s your whole lived experience. Now, we’re not judging how well you did it or didn’t do it, because you got through it. You’re here now. No matter how you did it, you did it. And so if you feel like I don’t know if I can, just this moment, all you’re doing is listening to this podcast.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Right now, you can handle, I can handle this moment, and so every moment, just coming back to that, you lived through a lot of things in your past. You got through it Again, no judgment of how you did it. You got through it and you had less resources, you had less information, and now you’re getting more information about yourself and about how to live, maybe more mindfully, and so you have more resources. You have more tools to transform. That’s what this podcast is all about. So you have better tools to transform.
Elizabeth Winkler:
So the I can is a step for you to remember everything that you’ve been through and use that as a resource and that helps you be in your authority, your authorities, your lived experience. Then I will. This is I will is making a commitment to show up and take that next step, no matter how small, and then, finally, I do, and you put your intention into action each day and move forward with purpose. So I am, I can, I will and I do. So these are some four little pointers that I think can be helpful on stepping into your power, stepping into your authority and owning your impact. As you say.
davidji:
I love this. I love, I am, I can, I will, I do. Let’s all use it as a mantra Do it with me, elizabeth, If you’re listening right now, do this with us. Okay, I am, I can, I will, I do, I am, I can, I will, I do, I am.
Elizabeth Winkler:
I can, I will I do.
davidji:
I love that. I love that. So great Elizabeth’s four agreements Am can, will do. If we could weave those into our decision-making process. And remember we’re often making decisions at an emotional level and we’re using our intellect to rationalize them. So our intellect is telling us no, no, no, no, you’re going to look bad in that thing. But we’re really secretly making that at an emotional. It’s emotional decision. Even when you buy a car, you may say well, it gives me a 35 miles per gallon and it accelerates really fast in the but bottom line, you like the color and you’ve envisioned how I look sitting behind the wheel of this car. It all comes down to the emotion. So if we can really put some emphasis on that, I am, I can.
davidji:
As the foundational element of I will, I do, you know, brings us back to the Brihadaranyaka Upanishads, 2000 years old. That really goes deep into. You are your deepest driving desire. As is your desire, so is your will. As is your will, so is your deed. As is your deed, so is your destiny. Your desire can become your destiny. But you got to put all that middle stuff in there between the hmm, I desire this and, damn, I’m living this. So you have to put some true I am can, will do in between those two bookends and your life will flourish.
davidji:
We talk about this concept of self-confidence or confidence to begin with. First you got to take care of the being who’s having this internal conversation. That being needs sleep. That being needs rest. That being needs some space. That being needs some nourishment. That being should eat right, sleep right.
davidji:
The ancient teachings put good food into the brain, and I don’t just mean lettuce or high fiber into our physical body, but put nourishing ideas, put nourishing people, put nourishing spaces. Surround yourself with people who are rooting for you and it will be easier for you to show up in an uncertain moment. And that is one of the core things. If you’re always going to show up in front of people who aren’t really fans or supporters of yours, well then you can’t get upset if they just roll their eyes after you’ve made a presentation or shown up Practicing in front of your dog, your cat, your parrot, your lizard. The people you live with, the people who are your fans, the people who are rooting for you, your cheerleaders in life and know if you can bring it to them, you can step onto any stage, even if it’s just you going to a meeting.
Elizabeth Winkler:
And how many times have you, david G and myself, stepped onto a stage, right, and you’re not feeling that confidence that everyone thinks that you have right? We’re all looking at these people stepping onto a stage. I’ve worked with a lot of musicians. I know you have two actors and they’re swirling with feelings of weakness. They still step out there.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Confidence doesn’t mean that you necessarily feel that it’s about going forward knowing, okay, I got through stuff before. That’s why that I can thing, using that reservoir of the past the past is prep is what David G often says All those things I got through when I was five, six, 10, 19, 33, whatever, all of those things you knew less than, and now you are where you are. Take that step. It’s not about necessarily feeling confident. It’s about trusting the present moment. It’s about trusting yourself and just do the next action with that and amazing things happen.
Elizabeth Winkler:
So this really came up for me this whole teaching because I’m helping so many people in college new to college stressed about it. Parents stressed about that, saying goodbye to their kids, people getting divorces I have a lot of calls on that right now. These are big changes, these are big transitions, and so if you’re struggling with a transition. This is a really good resource for you to be able to handle it and to be in touch with your heart, because it brings up a lot of vulnerable energy. And so you know, I have mantras for that. I have the welcome energy allow kindness. I also love where’s love? And forgiveness as a resource for you if you’re feeling stuck. Also, when you’re challenged another great one, other mantras this too shall pass you can use that. So you know, there’s a lot of ways to help ourselves when we are feeling challenged and then to just take that step.
davidji:
You know, I’ve worked with this organization of former and current members of law enforcement called Blue Courage, helping them to heal and helping them restore the nobility of policing, and even took a group of them to India to visit some of the sacred and holy places there where these ancient teachings were first practiced thousands and thousands of years ago. And we spend a lot of time talking about the concept of courage. The concept of courage it’s often misunderstood. A lot of people have different definitions of it. It’s that divine convergence of a moment of uncertainty. We don’t know what’s going to happen, we don’t know how we’ll be received in the next moment. So, knowing that it’s uncertain, we then take the risk of showing up. I’m stepping into the unknown, but I’m stepping into it. I’m willing to take that risk. And what’s required for there to be a moment of courage is emotional exposure. Some of us would refer to that as vulnerability. We can swagger into some place and acting really confident or stoic about it, but you’re not going to learn anything about that moment. You’re not going to truly merge with whatever’s in that space. But if we can notice uncertainty and risk, take a risk, stepping in there, maybe it works out.
davidji:
One of Elizabeth’s favorite mantras is maybe, maybe not. We don’t know until after the fact. And haven’t we all seen a movie or seen a show or been to a concert? We’re right next to somebody and we go oh, my God, that was amazing. And they say, oh, I thought it was not so great. So there’s going to be so many different reviews of the moment. And they say, oh, I thought it was not so great. So there’s going to be so many different reviews of the moment. And even you may think, oh, I sucked, I was horrible. But suddenly people keep applauding, they keep giving you the standing O. It’s like how’d that happen? I just showed up.
davidji:
So this concept of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure is really what will lead us to courage, and I call these the three C’s First we get comfortable, then that leads to confidence I’ve done it a bunch of times so a little confident, and then that leads us to courage. Then we have the courage to step into any place. So how do we get comfortable? We practice a little bit, we get close to that thing.
davidji:
One of the things that Elizabeth has taught in so many of these podcast episodes is that when there is some resistance, that’s actually the place where we need to go. She coined the term the wound is the way, the wound is the way, so powerful. So can we go to, as Joseph Campbell would say, the cave we fear to enter holds the treasure we seek. Can we step into that place, knowing the treasure lies there, but knowing I have to crawl through glass or perhaps step into darkness to get to that place, and so you have to do the thing. You got to show up and do the thing, otherwise you never know. You just never know. We have all stepped into someplace that was scary and have said to ourselves wasn’t as bad as what I thought.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Almost always happens that way.
davidji:
Yeah, wasn’t as bad Thought it was going to sting a lot more. I know it doesn’t.
Elizabeth Winkler:
As I thought is the key part, because the thinking is the fear. It’s not real, right, right. It’s all connected to the past and projection and all that and assumption Right, really what?
davidji:
we should say is not as scary as I made up this whole thing.
Elizabeth Winkler:
The story yeah.
davidji:
Right, the story that I totally contrived. That had no foundation in any reality, but I was just scared because I hadn’t done it.
Elizabeth Winkler:
But how many things have we not done?
davidji:
Everything.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Right, so we’re always in a fresh new experience. We’re just deluding ourselves to the fact that that’s happening, yeah.
davidji:
So, so brilliant.
Elizabeth Winkler:
And so all those places where we feel imperfect. It makes me think of that art. The porcelain with the golden. Is it Kintsugi? Is that what it is? Do you know what I’m talking about?
davidji:
Yes, Kintsugi, the golden thread.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Yeah, so you know these broken porcelain bowls, and then they take them and they put the pieces together.
davidji:
Right, because normally we would see like a piece of pottery and it would fall off the shelf or break to the floor and we would go like, oh, that thing that was once beautiful is now broken, sweep it up and throw it away.
davidji:
And this is a rebirth concept, ancient Japanese rebirthing concept, certainly using pottery as the metaphor, but by taking broken pieces which we would normally denigrate or hold to a much lower standard. And then let’s put golden glue or golden threads on all those broken pieces and as we piece them back together instead of gorilla glue or crazy glue suddenly we realize now this is even more beautiful than the original because it’s like us we’re all getting older, we’re all growing older, maybe we’re becoming more feeble in certain areas, maybe we’re becoming more brilliant in certain areas. And it’s that beautiful combination of probably I’m not as fast as I was when I was 25, but I’m definitely more experienced and I’m definitely smarter and I’m definitely happier. So I can’t run away, but if suddenly a giant grizzly bear popped into this room, I might be able to figure out a way to escape rather than outrunning. What’s that line? I don’t have to outrun the grizzly, I just need to outrun you.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Oh, I’ve never heard that before.
davidji:
Something along those lines.
Elizabeth Winkler:
So compassionate. I feel so safe now.
davidji:
And you’re saying wait, why do you have my ankle chained to this table? Sorry, I’ve got to go right now the grizzly is rearing its head. So let’s think about this concept of how do we awaken this aspect of confidence inside of us, Because I think that’s one of the most valuable things. So what’s another thing that holds us down or suppresses us having confidence? It’s that comparison to others.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Yes.
davidji:
We see it all the time, whenever there’s a bunch of speakers and one person says part of their shtick when they come onto the stage is oh geez, I have to follow this person. So this comparison to others is such a frequent thing that we see and that we experience. I’m not as good as that person. I’m not as good as this other person. Oh, they were so articulate, oh, they were so captivating. Oh, they totally commanded the moment and I probably am not going to do that. We are the shadow and the light. We celebrate them all. I am, I can, I will, I do. And so another thing that we can do to keep raising the vibration, in addition to not comparing ourself to anyone else out there under any circumstance, is to celebrate our wins. We’re not having wins all day long and we’re not really acknowledging our smaller wins, but if we do take note, take stock and go. Well, that was pretty good. That was a pretty amazing thing. I thought it was going to take me two hours to drive from LA down to the sweet spot. Only took an hour and a half. Score win.
davidji:
I thought that meal was going to just be the bland old meal that I always have. It was pretty delicious. I thought this conversation would be pretty boring or a waste of time. It was pretty engaging. We can go on with that list. Maybe. Perhaps this is you creating your gratitude list, but it’s certainly you showing up. When you show up and bring it, celebrate that. Celebrate that because probably most of your life you’ve been taking that for granted. Celebrate that Because probably most of your life you’ve been taking that for granted. And just having that little mindset shift of like hey, you know what? I had a couple of big scores today. I got this accomplished, that accomplished, this accomplished, that accomplished. Most of the time I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, but I got some stuff done. So when we do, we need to celebrate that.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Yeah, and for those that can’t get anything done, being okay with that too. You know, because a lot of people are stuck and wherever we are, that’s where we are. That’s that I am thing right. So you know, if you’re really struggling, if you’re in a depression, if you’re feeling like you can’t get out of bed, that’s okay too. We need to ask for help, find resources to help us and accept where we are. So there’s something for everybody, no matter wherever you may be. Transitions are hard for people. It’s hard to take a step. Sometimes, when babies were learning how to walk and they fell down, what did you say to the baby? Loser, yeah. Did you say loser, no, but that’s what we’re doing Loser you’ll never amount to anything.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Right so that’s it.
davidji:
That’s it for you.
Elizabeth Winkler:
Next. That’s the joke I give to people. I’m like when the baby was learning how to walk, what did you say? Were you like oh my gosh, get back up and you’re doing great. You’re doing great. Remember that right now you’re still learning how to walk through this moment because we’ve never been in this moment. The day we die, we’re learning how to die because we’ve never done that either. So we’re always learning how to walk through every moment and when challenged remember I’ve said this with my kids I’m like we’re learning how to walk through this experience. We may not know what we’re doing, but we’re doing our best. We’re learning how to walk right now. Sometimes it’s really challenging to walk through something. You’re learning, you’re growing and the tough times. We learn a lot, but in the moment it doesn’t feel like you’re learning, it just feels really hard. So try to be kind to yourself.
davidji:
You know like I do want to talk about this a little bit. Tender mercies Can we give ourselves tender mercies? Can we give ourselves some grace? Life is hard, life is tough. Sometimes things do not unfold as you anticipated, but that is not where the chapter ends. Or maybe that is where the chapter ends and you can write a new chapter. So we need to acknowledge, this didn’t work out like I thought it would, but, lesson learned here the past is prep. So there are past moments that you think were failures. They were prepped for this moment. So you have a little more insight into your next step, and so I encourage you to celebrate your small victories.
davidji:
When things don’t turn out the way they are. Don’t go down deep rabbit holes of rumination, because guess what Carved in stone? The past is carved in stone. So what are you going to do right now, knowing what you now know? What are you going to do? What you now know, what are you going to do?
davidji:
And one of the tools that I use as well to give myself some small wins I refer to as the Enlightened Exchange. This is based on Aristotle’s quote nature abhors a vacuum, which means if we can create some space or carve some space in our life. It almost has like a magnetizing force to pull something new into it. And if we can allow that new thing to come from a more nourishing space and the thing we let go of or loosen our grip a little bit, to be from the non-nourishing, then we have this enlightened exchange. This is feng shui, feng shui 101. Move one thing out of the way, bring another thing in. Ideally we want it to be a leveling up and we won’t even feel it. But according to feng shui, you do that 27 times and your entire life transforms. Normally I might be drinking an almond milk cappuccino at about this time of day, but instead I’m sitting with some bizarre berry, bee pollen and whey protein smoothie. So I’ve let one thing go an unnecessary third coffee and I’ve brought something in Fruits, berries, protein. So I would invite you to come up with your own enlightened exchanges.
davidji:
Maybe there’s a person in your life who’s not so exstrongd when you do your thing. You could set maybe a tighter boundary on them and spend a little more time or put a little more attention on someone who is more supportive. Usually it’s at night when I stream various TV and movie episodes and I used to let that run till like 10 o’clock and I shaved that down to 8.30 is when I prepare for bed. I know it sounds lame, but that hour and a half of a shift from 10 to 8.30 changed my life, and I have an Oura Ring that tracks my sleep and my deep sleep, which used to be between 15 and 22 minutes an evening, and my REM sleep, which used to be about the same both of them are over an hour, and I feel so much more well-rested and I have so much more energy than I had for the last 20 years. Just got a notice from my aura ring that it’s been four years.
davidji:
It’s my four-year anniversary, so my entire life has shifted with these enlightened exchanges. I gave up chips, I brought in celery sticks. There’s a whole bunch of different things that we can all do, and maybe there’s something in your life that you eat a little too much of or drink a little too much of or ingest a little too much of. Again, I’m not telling you what you should or shouldn’t do, but you know, if you’re doing too much of one thing, it’s probably not really serving you. So maybe you could take one thing, loosen your grip on it and bring in something more nourishing to replace that, whether that’s a person, a food, a practice or a behavior. What do you think about that, elizabeth?
Elizabeth Winkler:
I love it. I think it’s great.
davidji:
And now, oh my, and now it’s time for today’s takeaway, also known as living the light.
Elizabeth Winkler:
There’s so many. I mean we gave a lot of tools today. I think your exchange is wonderful. I am, I can, I will, I do, and if you’re in a very challenging time, where’s love and forgiveness? And just to be kind to yourself and use the resource of your past to be able to take that next step? And we are all learning how to walk.
davidji:
This is one of those powerful teachings of Elizabeth Winkler to truly ask ourselves in every moment where is love and forgiveness? It’s timeless and we should all embrace it at such a higher level. Where is love and forgiveness? It was really the great sage Eli who inspired that particular teaching, so thank you for sharing that, elizabeth. My name is David G. I’m here, of course, with the great sage psychotherapist and alchemist Elizabeth Winkler. We are the Shadow and the Light podcast and we’ll see you on the next episode. Come on, jamar.
Music:
Of the shadows in the dark. They will lead the way To the hidden pathways of the heart and that secret place. That is where I find my start. The light Is here to remove all my fears and to bring new sight. The light is here to remove all my fears and to bring new sight. The light. If you come, I will go to the deep to take me to new heights. The shadow and the light. There’s no fault in rock bottom. You hold it as your own limit. Don’t rush past this moment. The darkness can become a friend. Love will come by your side and you’ll shine brighter than a million suns A million suns. You went through hell, but now you’re in. The light Is here to remove all your fears and to bring new sight. The light. It is here to remove all your fears and to bring new sight. The light. It is there that will go to the deep to take you to new heights.
Music:
The shadow and the light has come because of love. The light has come because of love. The light has come to set us free. The light has come to set us free. The light has come to set us free. The shadow comes because it loves us. The shadow comes because it loves us. The shadow comes to set us free. The light is here to remove all our fears and to bring new life. The light is here to remove all our fears and to bring new life. The shadow and the light.