How to turn your pain into power!

davidji: 0:21

Welcome to the Shadow and the Light podcast with internationally renowned meditation teacher, davidji and heart healer and psychotherapist Elizabeth Winkler, as we guide you through our unique fusion of ancient wisdom and modern psychology.

Elizabeth Winkler: 0:37

Get ready to awaken your true essence, heal your wounds and transform your shadow into a new world.

: 0:48

Hi, davidji. Oh, hello there, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth Winkler: 1:12

Welcome to the Shadow and the Light. I am Elizabeth Winkler and I’m here with davidji and with and Somyr, our producer, and today we want to talk to you a little bit about intention and attention. So pause and just notice what brought you here. Why did you hit play? And if you feel like you just showed up, I invite you to connect to an intention, a seed that you feel called towards, something that brought you to sit and reflect and be open to a new way of being. davidji.

davidji: 1:55

Yeah, it rests at the core of everything that we do. It’s like chicken egg kind of thing Is your attention coming first, or is the intention bringing your attention onto something else? And so everything in life is about attention. Where’s your attention and what is the intention you bring to this moment? And these are powerful awareness tools that allow you to just roll back, step back a little bit, deescalate the moment, drink in the larger picture so that you can suddenly have greater clarity of what each moment is as it unfolds. I consider this the number one tool and technique to eliminate drama in your life. I consider this a powerful anti-anxiety tool, and this is a biologically, chemically, hormonally stress alleviator. And so, attention and intention. Now, of course, we have deeper understandings about intention. When it comes to what’s my intention in this moment, if we go back to the Brihara Njaka Upanishads, book four, chapter four, verse five, you are your deepest driving desire. As is your desire, so is your will. As is your will, so is your deed. As is your deed, so is your destiny. So your desire can unfold to be your destiny. So what’s your intention? Why don’t we go deep right now? Don’t close your eyes if you’re driving or if you’re chopping in the kitchen or if you’re operating a snow cat, but otherwise, take a deep breath in and ask yourself, maybe place your hand on your heart what is the intention that I want to unfold in the next moment? What is the step, the real world action step that I can take that will bring me just a little bit closer to the fulfillment of my dreams and desires? Or what is the state of mind or state of being that you’d like to inhabit right now, at a little bit of a higher level, to maybe level up, to embrace your better expression or your best expression right now?

Elizabeth Winkler: 4:19

Connect to a vibration and energy that is good for all beings, such as love, forgiveness, gratitude, courage, presence, light, forgiveness. When we connect at the level of that vibrational energy, the universe wants to lift that up. The universe is behind you. So connect to that vibration. See it like a seed, an acorn that creates that oak tree. But it can only do that if it’s in the right soil, and that is where your attention comes in this is brilliant.

davidji: 5:07

This is brilliant because we know inside, every acorn is the fully manifested oak tree. But if it just lays on a rock on the side of a cliff, we know an oak tree is not going to be grown. And so this is that deepest, deepest question what’s your soil? Because even the most random seed that just happens to blow into really fertile soil will sprout and grow, and so we will have a higher level of personal expansion, evolution, manifesting our dreams and desires, moving us closer to the fulfillment of what we seek in this life, if we create the fertile garden within. If the answer to what do you want is how can I show up? As my best, I used to have my whole list of all that stuff. I was taught by my teachers how to manifest stuff. You know what do you want? Want to Tesla in the driveway? Want to pile of money? Want some fame? Want a new suit? Put it out there, write it down and manifest that. It was years, years later where I suddenly realized, oh, it’s not all that stuff that I really want, it’s who am I. How shall I show up? So, no matter what comes to me, whether it’s that thing that I thought I wanted or whether it’s an unexpected guest, not what I necessarily wanted. Instead, who am I? Who’s gonna show up in that moment? Who will be the receiver of whatever uncertain moment is delivered to me so powerful, so important?

Elizabeth Winkler: 6:51

Non-resistance, right, right, greeting that pain, that fear, that unexpected fall with grace.

davidji: 7:01

Yeah, so attention and intention, resistance and acceptance. It’s almost like they’re cousins, they have this sweet little relationship with each other because everything starts with attention and then we can go back to the ancient teachings of the Buddha. You know, when you talk about the Noble Eightfold Path, which first begins with right view, right outlook, we could say right attention, and then flows into right intention, and then into right speech, and then into right action, right livelihood, etc. But attention first is the fractal. That’s the starting point. They’ve even done this powerful scientific analysis that sound waves react differently when they’re looked at. What do they call it? The observer effect. The observer effect. Imagine. So if you pay no attention, they do one thing, but if you pay attention, they do another thing, and it’s like wait, we’re talking about particles or waves. How’s that even possible? Everything is all about attention. It’s one of our core needs as well. Maslow talks about it. Elizabeth and I have talked about this as part of the four needs of the heart Attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Attention then flows into intention. Think about all the things in your life that you have your attention on that are not going to lead you to the fulfillment of your intentions or your dreams and desires. All the weeds, oh my God. Think about that. It’s perfect analogy. Yes, all those weeds, all those weeds in the garden. You tend the soil, you nourish the soil, you water the soil. There’s a component that has nothing to do with you, which is the sun coming down onto that soil. So you have to like be in the right place as well. This is how we take our lives to the next level, and if you’re resisting anything along the way, you’re going to block that energy, you’re going to throttle that energy down, which is why acceptance is so important, because what will visit you today, what will be delivered to you today, right.

Elizabeth Winkler: 9:05

So if you’re hearing this and you’re feeling like you have a garden full of weeds, welcome, welcome to the planet, welcome to being a human. We all have them and it’s not about judging that or shaming yourself or feeling guilty about the fact that you’ve paid a lot of attention to maybe some things that happened a long time ago, so that’s created a lot of weeds or a dark place in the garden that you’re in, or a dry garden. It’s okay. We need to accept that, accept what is, and we can cut it all at the root. I used to work a lot with children. I created a mindfulness practice and took it to Africa, and when I did that, I would talk to children about attention. Like this I would say hocus, hocus, where’s your focus? Because it’s easy to remember. Kids know about hocus pocus, so they’d be like, oh, and I’d have a little magic wand, but your attention is like that. So if you’re feeling bogged down or like you’re deep in the weeds, hocus pocus, where’s your focus? Remember to refocus right. And davidji, you were the one that taught me. We have 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. You know, I often say let your thoughts be drops of water, but what we tend to do is we don’t allow that. So I attend to a thought about someone not calling me or whatever it is. Whatever the thought is, I attend to that drop of water and it quickly becomes a thought stream, and then a river, and then an ocean of pain, of suffering, of worry, of anxiety, and then we’re drowning in that. So once we notice that we’re drowning in some ocean of disturbance, we can come back into your body. You come back into the present moment and then you can connect to intention right and you can put your attention on something else and shift everything. Now, do we do this perfectly? Absolutely not. Are you going to go back into the ocean? Yes, but you can work with your attention and intention every day and start to create new pathways, new ways that you’re rerouting that water so that you can become more present, more embodied and more effective with your awareness so great.

davidji: 11:30

The ancient teachings tell us that there are these things called clasias, also known as blockages or poisons, that prevent us from being our best expression, and two of them are attachment and aversion. Think about that stuff that we cling to and, even though there are signs that we should not be holding so tight, we don’t let go. Not a fear, desperation, ignorance, familiarity. We all been in a relationship not really nourishing to us, but we hold on to the familiar, unsettling, rather than an unfamiliar potential bliss. But aversion is another one of these. Think of all the things we scurry away from, not that we’re attached to, but that we have an aversion to People’s politics, people’s belief systems, certain colors, clothing, music, all the stuff that we resist, resist, resist. And so we have this beautiful energetic flow where we are simultaneously accepting and resisting, accepting and resisting, and it’s easy to get very, very attached to both of those attached to the things I resist and attached to the things I’m attached to. I’m not going to loosen my grip on whatever this thing is, and this is why, when your heart’s been broken, the last thing you want to do is risk someone else coming in there to break it again, and that’s why we oftentimes block our heart from anything else getting in there, make sure that we have a lead casing on it so nothing can touch it again. I definitely won’t love again, but I definitely won’t be hurt again. You know, it seems to me the most obvious one. We’re so protective and that’s why we become bitter If we think about it. If I block my heart for a decade and don’t let anyone in, don’t allow myself to accept anything new, chances are no one’s ever getting in there, ever. And so we can take these really really powerful steps incrementally, just being by being day by day, breath by breath, meditation by meditation, moment of acceptance by moment of acceptance, to help us get back into our hearts and into love and into acceptance. Do you have a special technique that you like for that? I’m looking at one of your lemon slices right here, your lemon mantras. That says I can handle this. So walk us through that practice.

Elizabeth Winkler: 14:28

I can handle this as the most powerful and the most of all of the mantras, because it keeps you present with what is so your activation, the lead heart. The lead heart is still a present experience of a lot of pain someone’s holding on to. They’re not escaping their pain, they’re actually carrying it with them. They’re experiencing more pain than they would if they let that go.

davidji: 14:49

It’s almost like taking your agony and putting it in this beautiful blue little Tiffany box and wrapping it up and making sure that as you travel through life, you’re always carefully holding this beautiful little box. And as you’re climbing mountains, you’re holding this little box. And as someone’s talking to you, you’re holding this little box.

Elizabeth Winkler: 15:09

And as you’re going to sleep at night, you’re making sure that no one’s touching your beautiful little box, but every single person is knocking at it and every single person is pissing you off. You feel constantly attacked and constantly insecure and fearful of dropping it or people taking it, because it’s just fear and so it’s not a life working so hard to protect my grievance. Right. So what can you do? First, accept we all everyone in this room and everyone listening have things they have not fully let go, just part of being a human being. So, whatever that may be that you’re aware of or that you aren’t, you can simply place your hand on your heart and be open to that. Give your heart permission to open in ways it hasn’t before, because we’ve made contracts with our heart, whether we realize it or not, at a certain point in time, where we said close, it’s not safe. So it’s imperative that you give permission for yourself to open, for your heart to open, for your mind to open. And then, if you do have activation at any point in time, right now or as you move through your day or evening, whenever that activation happens someone cuts you off in traffic, someone doesn’t call you back, whatever it is, I can handle this If you stay with, I can handle this, especially when you feel you cannot handle it. Whenever I say I can’t, I say as soon as I hear myself saying it, I’m like just kidding, I can, I can, I can, I can. I keep saying I can until I can get present, because as soon as I get into, no, I can’t handle it. I have closed that lead door on my heart and I have run to my mind and said fix it for me. And your mind is all fear based. At that point in time, you have lost control of any trust of any new opportunity and you are only going to reference the past and you’re going to get the same cycle over and over again. So if you want more of the same, more pain of the past, then you can do that, but I don’t think you do so. You move out of the mind. I’m fine with it, maybe, maybe not. Out of the mind is another, another mantra. And come back to the heart. I can handle this, I can handle this. I can handle this and breathe and allow your heart to open and allow yourself to feel your feet, find ways to connect to the present moment, feel your hands touching something, feel your feet, feel the sensation of your back on the chair, get present, anchor yourself into the present moment and then all you need to focus on is what’s happening right here, right now and a step at a time.

davidji: 17:57

So intense.

Elizabeth Winkler: 18:00

So simple yeah.

davidji: 18:02

So, as we reflect on these four concepts attention, intention, acceptance, resistance which is the thing that resonates with you most right now, which is the thing that you are struggling with most right now? These are like the four watch words to allow us to flow through the world with greater grace and ease, and yet sometimes we get so distracted. These are the four characteristics inside of us that if we become more aware of them, they will be our greatest teachers. So can. When you step into a moment and you’re feeling triggered or angry, or pissed off or annoyed, can you step back and say in this moment, what am I resisting? What am I resisting? Some of us don’t like certain foods, some of us don’t like certain vibes, some of us really love a crowded and bustling place, and some of us that’s too overwhelming. Some of us love the ocean, some of us love the mountains. We’re so multi-dimensional that we all get to be attracted to certain things. So I would like to bring us back to those four needs of the heart attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance which are four core needs of every human on the planet. And when you find yourself in resistance mode or in sadness mode or whatever that feels like to you where you’re just not in flow. You could ask yourself in this moment what need is not being fulfilled. Is it attention, is it affection, is it appreciation or is it acceptance? And if you can’t get these externally because we’re so externally driven, this is where, as Elizabeth said, we go inside and meet these needs internally.

Elizabeth Winkler: 20:02

The way out is in every single time. You know, if you’re looking outside you’re going to maybe get that fix for this moment, but then you’re going to need it again, and that’s what creates these codependent relationships that so many of us are in. It’s like, oh well, that worked, but guess what? It probably won’t work next time. And then you become really needy in your life.

davidji: 20:23

So you told me once how great I was, but you didn’t tell me 15 minutes later, or you didn’t tell me this afternoon, or you didn’t tell me tomorrow. And now I’m like all I’m doing is praying for the moment that that gets delivered to me.

Elizabeth Winkler: 20:37

The thing is that person is just opening your heart, which is something that’s natural inside of you. They aren’t opening your heart. You’ve let go of a resistance inside of you. You are the one that holds the keys to that. Why aren’t you giving that to yourself every moment of the day? You’re the only one that can do it.

davidji: 20:54

Right, and that’s why the famous Rumi quote 14th century Sufi poet Rumi your task is not to seek love, but instead to seek and find all the barriers you have built between love and your heart.

Elizabeth Winkler: 21:10

Exactly so. This is the thing Anyone who’s bringing up a barrier. They’re guides, they are gurus, they are the way to the shadow and the light. That’s why this podcast is all about those people that bring shadow or difficulty or challenge or experiences. That’s where you are able to grow. If you don’t like the busy room and you’re in a busy experience, guess what you get? To learn how to be in a busy, loud room. That’s what you get to learn in that moment. You get to expand your awareness in that moment If you choose to, or you can complain about it and you don’t get to grow Right. So we have an option to always allow ourselves to expand beyond what we were a moment before, and so anytime you’re challenged, remember that you have a choice.

davidji: 22:00

Right, Elizabeth. You are the person who created the amazing phrase which is now repeated all over the globe constantly who knows? Probably 10 million times, just over the duration of this podcast. But the wound is the way, and if you are a follower of the Mandalorian, like I am, this is the way. So it reinforces Elizabeth Winkler’s amazing and insightful comment the only way beyond is through. It’s like the Joseph Campbell line the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Bottom line, it’s waiting for you. Can you trust?

Elizabeth Winkler: 22:43

All you need to do is accept A that you’re here and move forward a step at a time. And if you need help, there’s nothing wrong with that. For my help acronym actually I got it for Michael Beckwith Hello eternal loving presence. So if you feel like you can’t do this alone and you happen to be alone, you can simply use that call for help. Hello, eternal loving presence. Hello, eternal loving presence. As a invocation of connecting to another vibration that’s bigger than you. A lot of my clients, when they feel like I can’t handle it, I don’t feel like I have enough to sustain myself, calling in an energy a teacher, someone who represents unconditional love. It could be a grandmother, it could be Mother Teresa, it could be anyone, or it could just be that call to hello eternal loving presence. We already are that, but we don’t always know that.

davidji: 23:49

Yeah, so powerful. And I was thinking about this other acronym that you use regarding fear. I’ve always seen fear as false evidence appearing real, but you have taken that even deeper with your fear acronym.

Elizabeth Winkler: 24:03

Friend existing as resistance. So we’re talking about resistance. How do we turn towards the resistance? So if the resistance is like the Hoover Dam, you know that holds a lot of energy and that’s how it is. That’s your healing. It’s a healing Hoover Dam. So when you can see that your resistance is like a hand reaching up from your heart telling you, hey, you’ve got resistance in your body, so pay attention to it, it’s a friend existing as resistance, letting you know that there’s resistance here. So if you can take your attention and move it down to where that is, where is it in my body? Not why am I experiencing this? Let’s get into it. Where is it, bring your attention to it, breathe into it, accept it, let’s feel heal. Then that dam starts to open and then that energy transmutes from, maybe, darkness to light. It shifts and it flows in a new way, a new direction.

davidji: 25:03

So great. Thank you so much for sharing that. You’ve been listening to the Shadow and the Light podcast. My name is davidji, my co-hosts Elizabeth Winkler, and on the board running our production, the Amazing Summer Perry. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please like it, share it, tell everyone you know about it. We’re going to continue to heal the planet, one breath at a time, one heart at a time, and the wound is the way. Guiding us out is our fave, the magnificent Jamar Rogers.

: 26:05

The light, the light, the light. If it’s not, then we’ll go to the deep to take me to the light, the shadow and the light. There’s no fog and crop at all. You hold it at your own will, but don’t brush past this moment. The darkness can become a brand. Love will come by your side and you shine brighter than a million suns a million suns. You went through hell, but now we’re in the light. It is clear, to remove all your fears and to bring new sides. The light, the light, the light. If it’s not, then we’ll go to the deep to take you to the light, the shadow and the light has come because it loves us. The light has come to set us free. The shadow come because it loves us. The shadow come to set us free. The light is here to remove our tears and to bring new light. The light, the light. If it’s not, then we’ll go to the deep to take us to new light. The shadow and the light.